SUMMERS OVER: PUBLISHED IN A GROUP OF NEWSPAPERS

                                         SUMMER IS OVER, BUT NOT MY QUESTIONS

                                                                       ROBERT ISENBERG

                                                                          

                                                                        

  I thought briefly about naming this piece “Gnats to the Gnats.” I reconsidered

because I have many questions about summer and they don’t stop with gnats.  My

 question regarding gnats is what do gnats really want? In my case they mostly live

at the top of my front walk. They wait patiently there for me to come and pick up the

newspapers. One or two will light upon me as I walk to the front. I can almost hear

 them saying, “He’s old and can’t move quickly, let’s swarm him!! Let’s get to his ears

 and eyes.” They don’t bite or sting. They just circle around me like an evil cloud.

So what’s up with them?  Perhaps we misjudge them and all they want is to be

friends. They just are not exactly sure how to go about it.

   I googled gnats. There were countless articles on how to get rid of them.

One suggested a pan consisting of vinegar and soap. No doubt the

gnats would assume it was salad dressing and get stuck on the soap. There were

only a few lines describing them as small non biting harmless insects. Now how

 would we feel if we were googled and it said we were basically harmless and for the

most part didn’t bite, but that we needed to be exterminated. We have all winter to

think it over. Maybe gnats need a second chance.

    My next question is who taught seagulls to read. When googling seagulls one will

find, “Nine Fascinating Facts You may Not Know About Seagulls.” They are right. I

did not know any of them. However what was not mentioned is that seagulls were

somehow taught to read and in English yet.

  I’ve got proof. I have mentioned going to Ogunquit every summer. And every

summer I hear horrific tales of aggressive seagulls stealing lunches. I hear how

they opened metal lunch boxes with their beaks. Tore apart lobster shells without

nut crackers.  But how does one explain that the restaurant on the beach that serves

very delicious everything, has never seen a seagull even approach their wide open

windows. There is a sign at the top of the restaurant next to the clock.

                                              “TOPS REQUIRED!’

                                               “NO BARE FEET!”

                                           “ NO WET BATHING SUITS!”

                                                   “NO DOGS!”

                                                “NO SEAGULLS!”

  I told you I had proof that seagulls can read and obey.

  My last observation and question regarding this summer is the question every one

asks after Labor Day, “Where did the summer go?” What do people want from

 summer? It has the same amount of days as all the other seasons. No more, no less.

But every Labor Day party you hear people moaning, “What happened to my

summer? I hardly got any vacation time. The last thing I remember is Memorial

Day! And then whoosh!”

  Think of the bright side: No more mosquitoes. No more BBQ’s with all those

delicious, but horrible for you hot dogs that you can’t stop eating.  No more beach

traffic that simply doesn’t move.  No more lawn that needs mowing, it seems every

other day.  Even those vacations you didn’t get to take, meant packing and

unpacking. Especially no more worrying what those social-climbing gnats want!

  Next time you ask, Where did summer go?” Just think, thank G-D it’s over!