ADS THAT DON’T ADD UP ~ PUBLISHED IN A GROUP OF NEWSPAPERS

ADS THAT DON’T ADD UP

MY PILLOW: “It’s guaranteed to be the most comfortable pillow you’ll ever own.” That’s an interesting guarantee. Is it guaranteed to be more comfortable than the pillow I’m presumably sleeping on now, or more comfortable than any one of those I haven’t even purchased yet? This character is in my face screaming about his pillow every time I turn on my TV. There is even a sixty-day guarantee. What could go wrong with a pillow? I never heard of a pillow breaking.  Also, an offer of a five-year warranty is listed in their ads. A five -year warranty for a pillow! Warranty for what? At the end of five-years can you imagine calling up this pillow company and demanding a rebate?

Have you seen the ad for an asthma medication that shows a big brown bear following an asthmatic couple everywhere they go? Even though the bear is quite large they don’t seem to notice it. The worst part of this situation is the bear ends up at the foot of their bed when they go off to sleep at night.  Since this couple barely notices the bear during the day, they never consider feeding it. It’s certainly likely that the bear could wake up very hungry in the middle of the night. Most bears don’t know how to cook. I also presume bears know very little about kitchen appliances like refrigerators. Usually they grab what ever is closest to them and begin gorging. They probably don’t even require napkins. I’m sure somewhere there is a connection between this very large bear and asthma. I happen to have asthma. However, I surely will continue to use my inhaler in preference to having a bear sleep at the foot of my bed. It is noticeable that this medication does not list any side effects. I would believe that this bear is one serious side effect.

Another ad that puzzles me is a particular shirt ad. This cool-looking guy is advertising a shirt that he has patented. It’s worn outside your pants, rather than being tucked in. He says he has an ‘exclusive’ patent on this shirt. He certainly has a very ‘exclusive’ price on the shirt. I can’t imagine how this got by the patent committee. Who hasn’t untucked their shirt?  I can just hear the dialogue at the patent board.  “Hey Frank, look at this shirt! Did you ever see anything like this? It can be worn outside your pants! Wow, what a great idea!!”

Then there is this Subaru ad. It portrays a shaggy looking grandfather and his grandson heading towards the ocean. The grandson asks his grandpa, “Did you tell grandma that we were going fishing?”

The grandfather responds incoherently. I’m not sure of his reply.

The scene then flashes to both of them. They are shown picking up their surfboards and gliding into the water. What does this have to do with buying a Subaru? Nothing! But it caught my attention enough to gag when the ad informs me Love is a Subaru.

I have to confess, I bought the pillow! I didn’t feel any difference. I’m demanding a rebate! I’ll put the bear in my Subaru. I’ll drive to the pillow’s office. The bear doesn’t wear pants so he can’t untuck his shirt. Still I’ll bet, with the bear at my side, I’ll get my refund!