THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE TELLS ME THEY'RE A WITCH I'M GOING TO BELIEVE THEM

 6/21/.2013

939 words

THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT THEY ARE A WITCH, I’LL BELIEVE IT!!

Revised

I had every reason to be horrified. The pilot had just announced that we had lost our

brakes and that we would have to land at the Dulles Airport rather than Boston. He explained that Dulles had the longest runway on the East Coast. I had more reason than anybody else on the plane to be horrified. I knew that I would be responsible for all my fellow passengers getting killed.

About two years before boarding this flight, I had been in charge of sales and  design for a boot manufacturing co. The top boss of the company seemed to go out of his way to make things difficult for my division and me. To say, that Ray didn’t like me, would be a gross understatement, in fact he hated me.

 Phil had been working for me for approximately four years. Phil was acutely aware of the friction between Ray and me. He seemed to take great pleasure in discussing Ray’s quirks with me. I, of course would respond with great passion, exemplifying whatever Phil had told me. What I didn’t know was that Phil was calling Ray every Sunday evening and telling Ray exactly what I had said.

Twice a year we were obliged to show our products at a convention usually held in at a hotel in N.Y. C. These shows generally lasted three or four days. Mostly they were quite grueling. We were on our feet most of the day and spoke incessantly about our products to any potential customer willing to listen. At the end of the day it was customary for us to try and relax with some light food and heavy alcohol.

 Phil’s wife Bernice considered it a treat to visit with us after she had finished her shopping for the day. She usually showed us the strange jewelry and mystical candles she had found and bought in the Village. I also thought she had some peculiar habits in that she seemed to take great delight in telling us of her fights with Phil. Bernice actually told us that upon at least one occasion, she had become so frustrated with Phil that she had decked him with a punch to the nose. I looked over at Phil who was pointing to his nose, evidently where Bernice had landed her last blow. I also noticed that Phil was wearing a simpering smile as his beloved Bernice told the tale.

Bernice seemed to take even more delight in sidling up to me, and relating what should have been in confidence between Phil and her.  One evening after most of us had had more than a couple of drinks, Bernice came quite close to me, in fact she was close enough to whisper in my ear, “I’m a witch” she whispered. Bernice could tell by my expression that I didn’t take what she had just said seriously. She moved even closer still whispering, “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m a witch! I’m a witch that knows how to deliver curses. My curses work and not in a good way. I’ve proven it to many people, I hope I never have to prove it to you!”

 The confrontation finally came between Ray and me. Ray called me into his office and said, “Phil has told me some of the remarks, you have made about me. I want you gone!!”

Shortly thereafter, I went to work for a competitor. A year passed and one of my customers decided to throw a massive party to celebrate a brand new building that they had built to house his many employees.

Food and drink were everywhere, I was having a wonderful time laughing and joking with old friends and some new friends, when I saw him. There was Phil in a corner looking around for someone to talk to. I would do everything I could to avoid him. But NO, he spotted me and came over. He was still wearing that same simpering grin, “I hear great things about you,” Phil said.

 I lost it! I could not contain my fury.  “You miserable phony! You pathetic liar!! You sanctimonious creep!!! Get out of my sight!!!!!” He crept away. I saw him take out his cell phone, no doubt to call his wife the witch and report what I had said.

This all came back to me as the flight attendants insisted that our seats be erect as if this might save us. The entire conversations came back WORD FOR BLOODY WORD! I had to lose it to that worm Phil. Now all these people were going to die because of what I had said. I would never get to see my wife and kids again because of my futile anger. Why did I have to be so cynical when Bernice had confessed that she was a witch? She was even nice enough to warn me. She had said, she hoped I would never have to find out first hand. It was all too clear. Phil had told her what I had said to him and Bernice reacted by cursing my flight.

The rosary beads were out, people were sobbing, even people who looked Jewish were crossing themselves. I looked down at the runway; there were fire engines everywhere. The runway was covered with foam.  I was responsible for this!!

The plane descended and you could actually hear people holding their breath. The plane landed and came to a complete stop seconds later. l The pilot announced that it had been a breakdown in his instrument panel that had caused the”CONCERN.”

I heard some of the passengers who had just put away their beads, comment, “Damn I’m going to miss my connection’s in Boston!!”

 I could only rush to find the nearest phone. I would call the witch. I would thank her

profusely for only giving me a warning.