CHILL OUT: PUBLISHED IN A GROUP OF NEWSPAPERS.

                                                       
                                                           CHILL OUT!
                                                          5/26/ 2017
                                                       ROBERT ISENBERG
                                                         

Looking at a refrigerator has never been that exciting. Most refrigerators just sit.

 Usually they don’t bother us much.  However, the refrigerator manufacturers are

 not happy leaving refrigerators untouched. They are now planning refrigerators

 with giant computer screens and television screens.

  These screens can play music, take notes, and answer phone calls.  “Hello this

is Mr. Fridge speaking, Don’t you think you’ve stuffed yourself enough?”

  Most people that have heard of this new refrigerator development want Mr

Fridge to speak even more. However Mr Fridge says, “The  cold hard facts are, I’m

 not an entertainer! I wasn’t put here to make you laugh!  My job is to speak only

 when necessary . For instance right now, remember those leftover peas you stuck

 in the back on the third shelf. Well they’ve gone rotten! First they went blue & now

grey with hairy fuzz all over them. Just think of me as the strong silent type. And

of course I am very handsome.”



   A talking refrigerator could be a huge help to those of us who stand in front of the

fridge trying to remember what we wanted.  I heard Mr Fridge say to one of

those gawkers, “It’s a known fact that creeps like you often spend over eleven

hours a year just staring into an open refrigerator. How would you like being stared

at by creeps?”


   These computer screens will have shopping lists. They will also have built in

cameras that will allow us to know what needs to be replaced.
 
    These ideas have prompted me to ask for something more. I want to robotize my

refrigerator with arms and legs. I want my refrigerator to be able to go to the

 supermarket at least twice a week. This would eliminate me as the middleman. I

would no longer have to put up with crazy grocery cart drivers. I would no longer

 have to search for a parking place for my car. Who better than Mr Fridge to replace

the missing food items?

  There may be a few hurdles to get over, before there is a smooth transition.

Would Mr. Fridge be allowed to transport himself to the stores on the sidewalks, or

must he stay on the street? If Mr. Fridge were forced to be on the street,

would Boston drivers be polite to a moving refrigerator?  These questions will all

 get answered, once I’ve taken Mr Fridge to iRobot in Bedford to pick out suitable

 arms and legs.

  Going to Costco could create other issues. I’m not sure, if the highway would be a

very safe place for a refrigerator to drive on, unless Mr. Fridge ‘s engine was

equipped to go eighty miles per hour. He will have to learn to cut off other drivers

and then give them the finger.

  Once at Costco, I can just hear Mr Fridge saying, “Size does matter! Everything

here is for a family of thirty. I’m going back to Wegman’s!”

  I can foresee more complications. Possibly a driver’s license could be an issue.

 I would buy Mr. Fridge a tie and a shirt after he graduates from the iRobot

 Academy. It’s doubtful that anyone at the registry would notice or care that

a refrigerator was applying for a driver’s license and registration.