HEY MA THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!: PUBLISHED IN A GROUP OF NEWSPAPERS

                               HEY MA THEY’RE TRYING TO KILL ME

                                                    644 WORDS

  I’m back in Delray, Florida. I’m doing my best to eat properly. It’s not easy. I’ve

spent  most of my life trying to be food good. Now as I age, it’s even more important.

Delray is not a very safe place to be food healthy. I promised myself to stay out of the

delis.

These delis down here are lethal. They are easily as good as the ones that occupied

 Seventh Avenue in New York City.  However, the other day, I had a few hungry

guests .

 “Would anyone like soup “, I asked.

 “Love some,” was the response.

   Okay, I thought, it shouldn’t be a problem going to the deli to pick up some chicken

soup, and maybe cabbage soup. It was! I had to wait in a long line and watch these

humongous corn beef sandwiches go by.  Why hadn’t I remembered?

  It was just last year,  I had visited this same deli at around eleven A.M. I ordered

poached eggs and dry whole wheat toast. At the next table a couple at least ninety-

five years old were smacking down two huge pastrami sandwiches. I thought what

have they got to lose? Probably they thought the same. There I was with my runny

poached eggs, feeing incredibly jealous of this ninety-five-year old  couple. I paid for

the soup and fled.

  The guests were from Boston and wanted to see the Patriot’s football game.

  Anyone who watches football knows that there is maybe some football, but mostly

ads. Who are the major sponsors?  Subway, KFC, Pizza Hut, Little Caesar, to name a

few. Did I ever in my life see more tantalizing pizzas than the ones they are

 displaying on my T.V. screen?

  How about that hamburger from Wendy’s? They claim they are just bringing it

back. It has bacon, cheddar cheese and a juicy looking burger. Oh, I almost

forgot they include lettuce & tomato for “health nuts.”  But does it look scrumptious?

Indeed it does. Red Lobster and Applebee’s are almost health havens by comparison.

However, I wouldn’t want to be cholesterol concerned and be eating there.

  KFC is a story all by itself. Most of us have indulged. Sometimes secretly and

sometimes not so secretly. Those who have know how delicious their fried chicken

is, not to mention the coleslaw.  But I will stay strong.  Not like the other day!

I’ll get to that later. I note that B.K is not only displaying yummy looking burgers, but

very quietly mentioning a new grilled hot dog, which of course was not a concern of

mine.

   Earlier I mentioned that Dana and I are back in Delray Beach, Florida. We had our

white retractable top Pontiac transported by truck . It arrived safe, but filthy.

  It had been given the honor of riding on the top of the truck.

   I had yet to see a car wash,  I noted a bunch of guys who looked like they knew

from car washes. The first gentleman offered that he used one that was slightly

more expensive. What could they do differently?  We found out.

 You pull in and are told to get out of your car. Someone takes over washing both the

exterior and the interior. Not bad for seventeen dollars.

   We were told the wait was about thirty minutes. I was quite hungry. I hadn’t had

 lunch yet. The car wash was right next to a B. K. Perfect; I’ll get a grilled chicken

 there. I’ll be fine.  While waiting for my sandwich, I remembered the hot dog

advertisement.  Dana loves hotdogs.  I’ll bring her one even though she had eaten

earlier.

  I returned to the car wash and tore off the wrap covering the hot dog. Oh no!

They put onions on it.  Dana can’t eat onions. I couldn’t let a perfectly decent hot dog

go uneaten. Now could I?  Could you?