LOBSTER TALES MAKE GOOD LOBSTER ROLES PUBLISHED IN A GROUP OF NEWSPAPERS.

LOBSTER TALES MAKE GOOD LOBSTER ROLES

Robert Isenberg  

7/28/2016 

   I’ve wondered for years. Where do all the lobsters come from? Now it’s a question of who doesn’t have some sort of lobster dish on their menu. I haven’t seen it at Cumbie’s gas station yet, but perhaps, I haven’t looked hard enough. The worst possible news for lobsters is McDonald’s has just embarked on selling lobster rolls for $8.99. Even worse news, the photo of the sandwich looks fully packed and yummy.

  Prior to this, the average cost of a lobster roll was about $15.00 or more. Panera’s is $17.99, but the only person I ever saw order it was my wife Dana. Oh sure, the super markets like Stop & Shop and Market Basket have them as low as a $6.99. But when you are having a lobsterthon conversation, who is going admit that they just had a lobster roll from Market Basket, when the other participants have just returned from Maine or a restaurant called Neptune Oyster?

  If you go on line it’s easy to find dozens of lobster roll recipes. But c’mon what is there to it?  Just having lobster meat will automatically mean you’ve got a winner. Now don’t screw it up! Don’t get fancy pancy! A very soft, quiet roll is essential. The last thing you need is a big shot roll with attitude. You want the lobster to do almost all the talking. Some Hellmann’s mayo is important and maybe some celery. After that begin munching.

  However there are issues regarding going on line about lobster rolls. Yikes!! You find out that one itsy bitsy lobster roll has over 436 calories, 189 of them are from 21 grams of fat. The cholesterol in the sandwich is about 173Mg. Every lobster roll has about 808 Mg of sodium. No where to turn! Whatever is wrong with you will be exacerbated by this sweet, innocent looking lobster roll.  Particularly dangerous for most Bostonians, who are prone to high blood pressure given the driving habits of their fellow drivers and the Boston Red Sox. High sodium mgs is not recommended.

   If all of the above weren’t enough poor press for lobsters, it’s just came to my attention that peace loving Sweden has just gone to war with the Maine lobster. Their description of a Maine lobster is oversexed, overfed and over here. The issue is although Swedish lobsters can barely be distinguished from our lobsters, the Swedes claim theirs are much tastier than ours.  Based on that debatable taste test, the Swedish lobster sells for almost four times our lobsters and heaven forbid, one of theirs might end up as a lobster roll.

  This very cold war has prompted a New England congressional delegation to appeal to the President to intervene. It has also caused the Swedes to put a bounty on the poor head of any of our lobsters found in Sweden.

  There was also talk that there could be serious problems for any one of our lobsters wishing to procreate with one of theirs. According to the Swedes their lobsters not only taste better, but they are far more beautiful than ours. They are absolutely convinced that our male lobsters are keenly aware of this “fact.” They have warned all of our male lobsters, “Don’t even think about it!”

  Given all of the above information, I would sleep better at night not knowing any of this.  However, I’m going to go to the nearest McDonald’s and step up to the counter. I’m going to demand a lobster roll that looks as yummy as the wonderful T.V. ad showing the father and son bringing their lobster catch to market and then sitting down to have a lobster roll of their own at McDonald’s.

  I still want to know where all of these lobsters are coming from and how our lobsters traveled all the way to Sweden. I think I know why.